You win the next GM election, but you prove to be so inept at the job that you are permanently banned from the entire Forum Games board.

I wish I had a job.

I wish I could wish that your new job didn't suck!

I wish I had a pony.

Granted. You now own a pony, that's really a kelpy. The first time you go for a ride the kelpy heads for the nearest body of water, drowns, then eats you.

I wish the grass would cut its self.

The grass cuts itself but the blood gets all over your new mower. Aw tartar sauce!

I wish the kelpy was real kelp.

Granted. You are not attacked by starving rabid sea otters.

I wish for a plane.

Granted but it's crashing into the Games Federation building.

Linkies!


…

I wish people would read that book. It's a good one.

I also wish I can find and watch the movie.

Granted, but you realize it's a movie of Richard Simmons running on a treadmill. Running time: 4 hours, 34 minutes.

I wish the big ball of fire in the sky would turn off every once in a while.

Granted, but it crashes into the sun creating a supernova destroying the solar system.

I wish you loved me.

Granted. I'm now stalking you.

I wish I could get nominated for a DD Award this year.

Granted, but as a result you get a bunch of angry, jerky spammers following your every page…

I wish I had a way to talk to my boyfriend right now.

Granted. You talk to him so much he dumps you.

I wish I had a camera.

Granted. You post incriminating pictures of you at a kegger with a road cone on your head. Your boss sees it and fires you, and no employer is willing to hire you.

I wish I had a bottle of vodka (it's 2am where I am, I should be drunk by now!)

Granted, you get so drunk that you attempt to hump a panda and are sent to jail for beastality. Because beastality officially became illegal yesterday…(I'm not going to get over that one for awhile. I honestly don't know whether it's legal or not.)

I wish that, through my new tarot classes, I will become a tarot master!

(I really am taking lessons…hope they go well ^^)

With your tarot reading skills you predict your own suicide, you know you won't kill yourself so you figure crisis averted.
You continue to read the cards, predicting all sorts of minor events, eventually you predict the death of a loved one in a tragic car accident. You call them to warn them but they are already driving. They answer the phone and are distracted by it; they don't see the car ahead breaking.
You find that everything you predict comes true and cannot possibly be changed. Eventually this leads you to the realisation that the future is set in stone, even the choices you make.
With the knowledge that free will is an illusion your life becomes worthless. You see no reason to continue living and take your own life.

I wish to be amazingly talented at everything.

One of your many talents is to suck at everything.

I wish Nickelodeon sucked more.

Granted. their studio is now a super massive black hole

I wish I had a million bucks

Granted, and you also get your dream girl and buy everything you want, but you realize that the one girl you always loved as well as all your friends don't like the changed you, so in a heartwarming climax you trade your money to restore your old life.

I wish Dave7 would stop stalking me and just come forward with his love.

Granted. But then I realize you're not the kind of person I thought you were, and so I leave you after 3 months. Despondent and heartbroken, you kill yourself.

I wish I could remember what happened last night (why does my shirt smell like Panda?).

Wish granted, but it all comes back at once in the middle of an important meeting, making you scream “I GOT PANDA BUTT RAPED!” in front of your boss, an avid WWF member.

I wish I could get pages done on time.

Granted, but now that you have free time again, those pandas are looking YOUR way now.

I wish that Dave7 would just take a shower to get that smell off of him already.

Granted. I take a shower, but through an ironic twist, the city plumbing sends the drain water from my shower into your apartment. The next time you turn on your shower, you're blasted by dirty panda-stank water.

I wish I had a copy of Tekken 6.

Granted, unfortunately, just like all those crazy-right-wing-nut-job-Christian-extremists predicted, all that violence influences you into murdering like a billion people, you get sent to jail. It gets worse when they accidentally send you to panda jail instead of people jail. Oh oh, you see where it goes from here.

I wish that my toast was less burnt.

Granted. It's less burnt than charcoal, but only a little less.

I wish I was proficient at Blender (program not appliance)

Granted, but somehow you can only make a blender… in Blender… and nothing else.

I wish there was something to get that panda-stank off of me. Regular ol' body wash ain't working!

Granted. You bathe with a bottle of Liquid Heat. Now your most sensitive areas are burning in searing, agonizing pain, but at least you don't smell like panda any more.

I wish I had something with which to fight off all these pandas in this jail.

Granted. You get a female panda outfite with rear access. Lets just say they wont want to maul you anymore.

I wish the worst thing in the world happened.

It happened. but 1337 laughed at it.

I wish my headache would go away.

Granted. It's now replaced with excruciating pain over the rest of your body, but you no longer have a head ache.

I wish TFGM would log on.

Granted. But he gets in an arguement with PP and doesnt talk to anyone else.

I wish i had my own sitcom.

Granted. You get Two and a Half Men, enjoy.

I wish I wasn't so depressed.